Is This All We Have To Offer?

The names are in, the gloves are off, and we have our five contenders for the new leader of this supposedly once-great isle.

Lead candidate, Theresa May, is pro fox hunting and spying on the internet habits of every single UK citizen, and anti gay adoption (though changed her mind on the latter when it conflicted with a new job).  Not a great person to be leading the pack, but when considering her opposition...

Michael Gove (now out) has failed dismally at every office he’s held under Cameron, rode Boris Johnson’s coat-tails throughout the Brexit referendum, and used his new status as a ‘winner’ to piss on the blonde bollock’s leadership ambitions.  He’s also being supported by Nicky “any suggestion I’m not in complete control of my department is sexist, and all schools should totally be academies, regardless of what experts say...what’s that, David? Sorry, my mistake, I’ve decided we’re not doing that after all” Morgan.

Stephen Crabb (now out) voted against same-sex marriage, and sponsored - and employed interns from - an organisation that claims homosexuality is a curable disease, but - like May - now that he’s after a better job, he “totally, totally” didn't mean it, and supports gay marriage, and any suggestion otherwise is a “falsehood” (regardless of historical evidence).

Andrea Leadsom is a befuddled non-entity still regurgitating all of the Brexit rhetoric from the referendum build-up that even the head Brexit campaigners went back on the day after they won.  She’s also received the possibly poisoned chalice that is BJ’s backing.

And Liam Fox  (now out) - who once housed and employed (with tax-payer money) one his mates as an undeclared aid, just so he could jet about drumming up some business - has placed himself as racist pond-scum's candidate, declaring leaving the single market is a price worth paying to ‘regain control of our borders’ ("But that’s fine because the US isn’t a member of the single market, and they can trade with it, so we’d be totally fine, because we can be like the US, and afford all the same tariffs and contributions, and totally stop anyone else coming into the country ever again, ever").

In other words, he’s a delusional prat.

Additionally, every candidate is pro-Trident renewal, because hey, when it comes down to a choice between feeding the poor and sheltering the homeless, and being ready to efficiently ignite a million people to the surface temperature of the Sun, an apocalyptic fireworks display wins every time.

Whatever happens, in a mere two months' time, one of these people will be the new British Prime Minister...how ever much is left of Britain by then.

Yes, the UK may not be quite so U for much longer.

And on the off-chance Scotland does remain united to the kingdom, the SNP - currently the third largest party in the nation, but with the most sitting MPs - may soon be deciding between a coalition with the Labour Parliamentary Party, or the Labour Union Party.

So that's the state of British politics today: our ruling party is leaderless, and choosing our next PM from a puddle of unsuitable cretins, our opposition is tearing itself apart because a pack of Blairites are uncomfortable with being so different from their more successful Tory counterparts, and the closest thing we currently have to a genuine opposition may be ruling their own independent nation long before we have anything even approaching a suitable working parliament.

I don't suppose Canada is accepting immigrants...?

**UPDATE**

With three down and two to go, the one shock we've had of this leadership election is the rise of someone less well known, but seemingly even more sickeningly clueless than Michael "I drink a glass of water like a goldfish giving a blowjob" Gove.

In the brief time anyone outside of the parliamentary Tory party has been aware of Andrea Leadsom, she's gone from befuddled outsider, to right-wing Christian homophobe, to militant matriarch.

However, some context is required for these latter two.

"I didn't like gay marriage law because it hurts Christians..." was the direct quote taken from Leadsom that the Independent ran with as a headline, thus painting her as a devout, anti-gay dip-shit.  And while she did say that in an interview with ITV - and while it is a monumentally stupid thing to say - it is nevertheless worth noting that, in the very same interview, she clarified that she did not agree that marriage should be a strictly Christian service between a man and a woman, and that she 'positively abstained' from the vote (actively voted both for and against).

Personally, I feel that makes her pathetically mimsy over the subject - she's all for it, unless it insults a bunch of religious homophobes - but that doesn't justify running a headline that paints her in a very particular light, and I'm disappointed in the Independent for stooping to Daily Mail levels of gutter-press shenanigans.

On the subject of 'gutter press', The Sunday Times recently ran with the headline: "Being a mother gives me an edge on May - Leadsom"

This one is not a direct quote, and Leadsom and her campaign team have been eager to stress that she has been taken wildly out of context on this one.

Except, she wasn't.

While she may have been careful not to utter the words, "I'll be a better leader because I'm a mother", she did say that two of her advantages over May were "economic competence and family".

"So really carefully - because I am sure...she will be really really sad she doesn't have children so I don't want this to be 'Andrea has children, Theresa hasn't' because I think that would be really horrible - but genuinely I feel being a mum means you have a very real stake in the future of our country, a tangible stake.
"She possibly has nieces, nephews, lots of people, but I have children, who are going to have children, who will directly be a part of what happens next.
"So it really keeps you focused on 'what are you really saying?'. Because what it means is you don't want a downturn but 'never mind, let's look ahead to the ten years', hence it will all be fine. My children will be starting their lives in that next ten years so I have a real stake in the next year, the next two."

So, in context, Leadsom suggested May has less of a 'stake in the future' because she doesn't have kids.

Leadsom, of course, went bat-shit over the article being framed in this context, but I personally couldn't care less how often you use the qualifier 'I don't want this to be a thing, but...': When you raise a thing, you make it a thing.

Leadsom had the brass ones to suggest those of us who don't - or, in May's case, can't - have kids have less of a stake in the future than she does.


I am not a supporter of Theresa May - she has proven herself to be two-faced, conniving and untrustworthy, and I believe she'll be an awful leader for this country - but Andrea Leadsom is a moronic, blinkered, ignorant, self-serving scum-bag; a description I use only because I am endeavouring to keep swearing on this blog to a minimum.