Budgets Large, Budgets Small, Budgets Wasted on Bugger-All

A mere two days after my last review roundup, I find myself with another five to do, but seeing as I'm only three episodes in to (the so far rather tedious) Iron Fist, and I've only completed the trial of (the so far excellent (though as ropy around the edges as its forebears)) Mass Effect: Andromeda, I'll stick with the movie options for now.

Starting with Ghost in the Shell.  

Technically, I should put this off like those other two, as I've only seen the first 13 minutes, but having seen those first 13 minutes, I have no desire to see any more.  The film got a lot of flack when first announced, not only because it was yet another doomed-to-failure Hollywood adaptation of a beloved anime, but because of the casting of Scarlet Johansson as "The Major".

Or, to give the character her full name (which, evidently, the film tries to avoid), Major Mokoto Kusanagi:

Who spends more time in Super Hero Landing pose than Marvel's entire cast combined

Granted, the character doesn't look very Japanese (purple hair aside), but this was nevertheless an opportunity to give much-needed exposure to an Asian actress in a major leading role (no pun intended), and Hollywood simply pussied out.  Similar to The Great Wall, I have seen comments from Asian commentators welcoming the casting of these big-name Hollywood actors in these roles, as they will potentially draw in the crowds and raise interest in these Asian properties, but I'm afraid it doesn't really work like that.

In terms of The Great Wall, anyone going to see it for the epic martial arts action is already sold on the genre and is left curious as to what Matt Damon has to do with any of it, and anyone going to see it for Matt Damon is confused as to why he's apparently playing Jason Bourne meets Legolass in the middle of Cirque du Soleil.

As for Ghost in the Shell, anyone going to see it because they love the anime and/or Manga, and anyone going to see it for Scar Jo in a skin-suit, are going to be put off by the simple fact it's crap.

The whole white-washing controversy is the least of its issues.  By the sweet balls of Masamune Shirow, have they missed the mark with this one!  From the hackneyed, clichéd plot - laid out in the opening two minutes by some cringe-worthy exposition -  to the garish aesthetic, to the Charlie's Angels-quality wire work, there's an amateurishness to the whole production that reeks of desperation.  And even Johansson's magnificent curves aren't enough to save it.

Also, even as someone always down on Hollywood's misguided obsession with the dead-on-arrival tech, the 3D here is particularly atrocious.

Fortunately, this 13 minutes of predictable tedium was brought to us courtesy of an advanced screening of Free Fire.  One of my favourite scenes in the tremendous Pineapple Express comes at the climax, as a bunch of cowardly, gun-shy incompetents become embroiled in an epic shoot-out.  Free Fire takes that basic idea, throws in a somewhat more diverse cast, and draws it out to an hour and a half.

And it is wonderful!

Every member of the cast is on point, with Cillian Murphy adding farcical comedy to his already-eclectic range, Armie Hammer completely shaking off The Lone Ranger as a bodyguard just close enough to being as good as he thinks he is to warrant the bravado, yet just far enough from it to make that bravado hilarious, and Brie Larson showing there's more to her than just intense, Oscar-bait drama or token monster-movie totty.

The supporting cast is equally as strong, with the rival dogs-bodies of each group playing off each other, and the rest of the cast, tremendously.

But it's Sharlto Copely who steals the show.  Having come to prominence as an out-of-his-depth bureaucrat in District 9, surprised all us 80s kids with a fantastic turn as Howling Mad Murdoch in The A-Team, then brutal heavy in Elysium, and creepy and sinister in Old Boy, his diversity shows no bounds as a slimy and skeevy used-car-salesman-come-weapons-dealer.  He's cocky, yet neurotic and cowardly; savvy, yet moronic; two-faced, yet desperate for loyalty.  He's by no means a subtle character, but he is nevertheless convincing, and utterly hilarious.

Outside of the cast, the script is as sharp as a playful Tarantino, the action is inspired in its idiocy, and bloody to the point of brutal when it needs to be, and the film moves at such a pace, its 90 minutes felt like brisk sprint next to Ghost in the Shell's 13 minute death-crawl.

Finally, there's Beauty and the Beast.  Given that this is a big-budget live-action Disney adaptation of one of the House of Mouse's most beloved animated films, it should, on the face of it, warrant a post of its own, but Disney didn't bother with a new script, so why should I bother with more writing?

This is a film that will live or die based on what its audience is looking for.  Those after a (mostly) faithful adaptation of the 90's film will be (mostly) pleased with what they get.  Whereas anyone looking for a new take on the classic fairytale, obviously haven't been watching any trailers.

All of the beloved scenes and songs are here, translated to live-action with degrees of success varying from passable, to on-a-par, to genuinely superior.  I'm somewhat baffled by the casting of Ewan McGregor as Lumière; one of the few French characters in the film portrayed with a French accent.  He's undoubtedly there for his name alone, but he doesn't do a bad job, and his rendition of Be Our Guest - the unequivocal show-piece of both versions - is among the passable.  Emma Watson - despite the trailers showing a somewhat pantomime-esque performance - is surprisingly good as Belle, and carries the film well, but the true joys of the whole production are Luke Evans as Gaston and Josh Gad as Lefou.

For starters, their takes on their respective numbers are arguably superior to the animated versions!

Evans' Gaston is everything you want him to be - arrogant, yet oblivious; cocky, yet cowardly; genuinely more intelligent than almost everyone else around him, yet nevertheless an imbecile - and his voice is superb.

Josh Gad's Lefou, however, is everything you didn't know you wanted him to be.  At first, he's a slightly more obsessive version of the animated character (and for a very specific, and much publicesed reason), but Gad gives Lefou depth and nuance hitherto unseen in such a character, and with a pay-off at once charming, funny and wholly appropriate.

The film does struggle by comparison to its predecessor - as with Be Our Guest, most of the returning songs aren't quite as strong, there's some exposition thrown in to circumvent some of the prior questions (e.g. why all the servants were also cursed), and the big ballroom scene isn't quite as grand - but where the film falls flattest is in the new it tries to bring to the table: specifically the new songs.

The first isn't so bad - a relatively sweet and inoffensive verse from Belle's father - but there are three more planted throughout the rest of the film, and each is more abysmal than the last.  Every one is a bland, sappy, vapid, meaningless excursion that drags the film to a screeching halt, and kills any pacing and atmosphere built to that point.  I understand the desire to throw something new in there to differentiate it from the 90's classic, but each effort just demonstrates how much better it could have been without them.

I can't deny it's a good adaptation, and Rhiannon - a life-long fan of the original - was mostly giddy throughout (she agreed regarding the tragedy of the new songs), but other than Evans and Gad, there wasn't enough here to justify the adaptation, and I think it will mostly make people nostalgic for the 'original'.